PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT IN DIFFICULT BREAK-UP
We may become affected by a break-up with our partner in many different ways. Some of us see the breaking up as a major crisis, they collapse and are not able to recover for a long time. Others unexpectedly feel relieved and free. They may do whatever they have always wanted to do, make up for “lost time”, date intensively, go for stimulants or party heavily. Some people experience serious somatic symptoms: lose weight, lose sleep, get sick. Some start working very hard, devote themselves to new projects and spend so much time at work as if their enthusiasm and endurance had no limits.
Our family and friends may think we cope with the situation extraordinarily, we may even hear from them that we have come back to life. Our friends see that we are full of energy, we reinvigorate our social life or refurbish our apartment. At the same time, often inside us there is a storm of emotions, thoughts, tasks and concerns. The storm is violent, as the storms usually are, full of rapid changes of directions and contradicting tendencies causing turmoil or even havoc.
No matter what our initial or following reactions are, parting with a partner with whom we had a meaningful relationship (including of course marriage) is always difficult, disturbing and stressful. If the relationship lasted for a long time, involved serious plans for the future and emotional, sexual and often material engagement, breaking up has a serious impact on our life.
In such moment, especially when we feel we cannot cope with the situation and we do not have enough support from our family, friends or other persons, we may need support from a psychologist of a psychotherapist. In the course of a specialist consultation or a long term psychotherapy if longer work is needed, we will learn to better manage the difficult situation and learn methods to manage our emotions, thoughts and reactions more effectively. We will take care that parting does not ruin our self confidence and undermine our faith in our capability of managing our life. Meetings with a psychotherapist and using psychological assistance may help us regain equilibrium and effective functioning much faster.
I invite you to use the services offered by my counselling office in Warsaw. During individual psychotherapy I teach my clients to cope with difficult emotions and reactions.
When the assistance of a psychologist or a psychotherapist is most needed?
The main criteria to evaluate how well we manage our life are our inner wellbeing and external functioning in close and distant environment. If we suffer severely and function significantly worse in many fields and the situation lasts for a long time while we cannot regain equilibrium despite our efforts, it is time to consider using psychological assistance or a psychotherapy. At my office I offer a broad range of assistance methods.
Psychological support may be necessary to those persons that:
- do not receive enough support from their family, friends, close colleagues, other friendly persons, or their environment is very demanding and judgmental (“Haven’t I told you that this guy is going to cheat on you and abandon you. Blame no one but yourself”).
- experience subsequent break-ups in significant relationships or subsequent divorces (they may see them as personal failures, ascribing most of the fault to themselves)
- have been cheated on or abandoned by the partner (parting alone is difficult, being cheated on or abandoned does a great harm and undermines their inner stability and trust in other people. The psychological costs in such situation are very high)
- were dependent on their partner in many fields (e.g. financial, emotional, decision-making, social) and parting additionally destabilises many aspects of life
- are the sole caregivers for young or high-need children and do not have support of any other persons (being a sole caregiver for a baby, a child with behaviour issues or a seriously ill child is a great physical, emotional, time consuming and financial burden).
If one or several of the above issues apply to your situation and you feel that you cannot on your own cope with breaking up, you may want to consider psychological assistance. Even several sessions with a psychologist or a psychotherapist may make you more resilient, help you see the situation from a different perspective, suggest how to take care about the core issues and focus on regaining equilibrium. If the deteriorated functioning and depressed mood require longer counselling by a psychologist, you may begin an individual psychotherapy.
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If you need psychological help, contact me.